My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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