Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
pray to the hookup gods
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
