I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Too much gin, very little bucket
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
