I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
