you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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