I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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