ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
