I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
