She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
