I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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