Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
