Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
