so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
