a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
