your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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