I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
