Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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