my vag is so smooth its legendary
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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