I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
