please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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