You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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