being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This toilet bowl is my home.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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