i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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