my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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