and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
