those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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