No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We have so much sex to catch up on
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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