I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
