Four minutes until I can fart!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
