Sry I called you an 8
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
