he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
