I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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