she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
