i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
