My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
