Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
