When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
