i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
