he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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