I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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