i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
