I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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