stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
