Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
