she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
