yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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