im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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