my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
