do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
