Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
