She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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