Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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