Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize