I'm jealous of your bromance
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize