i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize