'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
