Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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