i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
