it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
