Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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