I wish I could teleport
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
