I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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