The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize