I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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