there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
