Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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