So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
