tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
