i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
