i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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