if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
