And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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