Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
