You just made me feel so damn special
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
