He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
