this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
