I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
