I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Alive.
So much puke
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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