So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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