the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just googled if crying burns calories
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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