after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
