Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
