If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
