cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
