Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
