It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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