yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
its not stalking. its research.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
