your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
