SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
