dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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