New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
