Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
