somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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