Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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