i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
