this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
